What If?
by clicheusername1234
Summary: Here's the concept for this story: What If? You guys can review "what if" questions about Gravity Falls and I'll do a one- shot. I have the write (get it?) to reject any overly sexual or depressing requests. Good luck!
1. Introduction

Hey, GF FanFic-ers! Thought I was gone for good? Well, I'm not! Just because Falling into Gravity Falls ended doesn't mean that _I'm_ leaving. By the way, if you haven't read Falling into Gravity Falls, I suggest you do. Well, of course I do, I wrote it.

Anyway, here's the concept for this story: What If? You guys can review "what if" questions about Gravity Falls and I'll do a one- shot. I have the write (get it?) to reject any overly sexual or depressing requests. Here are some examples of good "what ifs"…

What if Dipper kept the timeline where he wins the stuffed animal of indeterminate species for Wendy as opposed to the one where Mabel gets Waddles?

What if Waddles is made of gnomes?

What if Soos and the unnamed woman from "Carpet Diem" actually got married?

I you want to see any of the above written, you can also request that. Good luck!


	2. Friendzoned, Lamb Shears, Carl

FRIENDZONED

Requested by gamelover41592

"Haha! We won! Kid, this is a victory for every guy whose hands are too weak or fat to play a musical instrument." says an elated Stan Pines, standing beside his nephew.

"I couldn't have done it without you, Grunkle Stan." says Dipper, a twelve- year- old boy wearing a blue and white trucker hat. The two high- five, and then turn their attention towards the brokenhearted redhead before them.

"I can't believe Robbie did that!" says Wendy frustratedly.

_Alright, Dipper. You have to get this right. _Dipper tells himself. _You have one chance. What should you say? Maybe ask her to go somewhere… no! She'd get upset. Hmmm… maybe I'll just offer her a ride home._

"Me neither." says Dipper. "Do you need a ride home?"

"Thanks." says Wendy, still angry. But luckily, not angry towards Dipper or Stan. She smiles a little. "I'm sorry Robbie bullied you so much."

"It's okay." says Dipper. "I'm just thankful I could help get you out of that situation."

"Yeah," says Wendy thoughtfully. "That's really sweet of you, kid."

"Alright, break it up." interjects Stan. "Get in the van. I mean that in the least threatening way."

"Ladies first." says Dipper, opening the door for Wendy. She gets in, and he follows.

"So, anyway," says Dipper. "It was no problem. It wasn't hard or anything."

"Are you kidding?" asks Stan from the front seat. "He spent an entire day making a record and reversing it."

"You did?" Wendy asks. She looks surprised and flattered. Dipper blushes.

"Yeah. I did."

"Wow, Dipper." says Wendy. She smiles at him, and then narrows her eyes as if something has just occurred to her. "Dipper… I have a feeling you fancy me as more than a friend."

The statement hangs in the air.

"Of course he does!" yells Stan. "How stupid are you?"

"Stan!" says Dipper. He faces Wendy. "Well, I mean…"

"It's okay." says Wendy. "I kind of figured. You _have _been doing all this nice stuff for me. But I don't want you to get into danger or anything because you're willing to make sacrifices." she says carefully. "Mabel told me about her friendzone experience with Gideon, and I don't want the same to go down here. I'm not going to date you any time soon. I don't know what I want right now, and you're too young to know, either. But I think you're a really good friend and I'm really proud that you didn't stop to Robbie's level and ask me to go bowling or something."

"Okay." says Dipper. "Okay."

"How hurt are you?" asks Wendy.

"It'll pass." says Dipper. "So… you aren't creeped out?"

"Of course not!" says Wendy. "Honestly, is there _anyone _who can resist all of this?" she says semi- sarcastically, flipping her hair. "But in all seriousness. It's fine. Great, actually. I know you have my back."

"Yup." says Dipper.

"Besides, I don't really want to date anyone." says Wendy. "I'd rather focus on other aspects of my life like work and my family."

"You better!" says Stan. "Soos says that you're asleep half of your shift!"

"Soos also says that the mailman is a werewolf." says Dipper.

"Fair point." says Stan. Wendy elbows Dipper playfully.

"Thanks for having my back. Again."

"No problem." says Dipper.

"Would you two shut up?" asks Stan. "I think I hear Robbie crying in the distance."

Everyone in the car laughs, and Dipper smiles to himself. He always saw Wendy as a romantic interest, but he found in her something better: a friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

NEVER RUN WITH LAMB SHEARS

Requested by TheLPSDragon and PaperKayak

"And I'm gonna make sure you never lie again." says Gideon Gleeful. Dipper looks at nine- year- old child physic in disbelief as he begins to levitate a pair of lamb shears towards his face.

"Wait, what?" yells Dipper, Gideon's intent dawning on him.

_THE AUTHOR HAS BLURRED THE ACTUAL PART WHERE DIP'S TONGUE IS CUT OUT BECAUSE SHE FAINTS AT THE SIGHT/ MENTION OF BLOOD._

"What the Hell?" asks Mabel as she bursts into the warehouse. Gideon stands above Dipper laughing manically. Dipper's tongue lies on the ground beside him. Mabel frowns, looks up at the author, and raises an eyebrow.

"Why would you think this was a good idea?" she asks.

_Sorry! Sorry! One second…_

"Just kidding!" says Dipper, standing up and grinning. He has a fully attached tongue in his perfectly functioning mouth.

"What?" asks Gideon.

"I always keep a fake tongue with me!" says Dipper. "Also, LEFT HOOK!" Dipper punches Gideon and the kid goes down.

"I'm so confused." says Mabel.

"The third book says that I should always have an extra tongue with me, among other things." says Dipper.

"The writer of that book is crazy." says Mabel. "But I'm happy you're okay."

"Same here. Thanks for that, Sam!" says Dipper.

_No problem. I was getting grossed out, anyway._

"So… what now?" asks Mabel.

"Let's bring Gideon to the county jail." says Dipper. "He did try to kill/ permanently disable me."

"Good plan." says Mabel. The Mystery Twins leave the warehouse dragging Gideon's unconscious body to the place it belongs. Prison.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

SAVING CARL

Requested by Gloom Lion

"They're all good ones!" Dipper Pines says victoriously as he, Mabel, and Soos stand before the massive Gravity Falls Gobblewonker.

"Hamster Ball, here I come!" says Mabel.

"Dude, you guys _have _to win!" says Soos.

"Totally." says Dipper. Suddenly, they hear a loud groaning noise from the massive lake monster.

"Is it…" Dipper begins to ask.

"Oh no! It's crying!" says Mabel. "We have to go help it!"

"But, Mabel, it's dangerous…" says Dipper.

"It hurt itself when entering the cave, dudes." says Soos.

"Dipper, if we don't help it, that makes us the monsters." says Mabel. "I'm going down." she begins to climb off of the cave cliff and down to where the Gobblewonker is. Soos follows, and Dipper tags along grudgingly.

"I see the problem here." says Mabel. She carefully walks past the massive face of the monster and to its left leg. "He's stuck! Painfully stuck…" She moves the leg around until it's free. "There you go, friend. Thanks for the photos."

"Mabel. It's not moving…" says Dipper.

"Aw, what's the matter?" Mabel asks the creature, completely tuning out Dipper's protests as she gets closer. The monster makes some noises, and Dipper shrugs at Mabel.

"Dudes! I know how to speak Lake Monster!" says Soos. He makes similar noises to the Gobblewonker and it responds. They continue the exchange for a minute or so.

"So? What is it?" Dipper asks anxiously.

"Carl says that he's not leaving until you guys destroy the pictures." says Soos.

"Carl?" asks Mabel, cocking her head.

"That's his name." says Soos. "And his kind is very rare. He doesn't want to endanger the rest of his family by having pictures of him leaked to the press. They'd get captured."

"Oh." says Mabel. "But the hamster ball…"

"Yeah." says Dipper. "No can do, Carl." The monster makes more depressed noises, and Mabel caves.

"Fine! I care about my family, too." she says to the monster. "In fact, I think that me, Dipper, and Soos have a boat to be on with a very special family member. But first, Dipper will destroy the camera."

"But-"

"No arguments." says Mabel. "Do it." Dipper sighs.

"As you wish." He cringes as the camera falls to the ground and breaks. "There."

"Yay!" says Mabel, hugging her brother. The monster makes happy noises.

"Carl says 'goodbye'." says Soos. The Gobblewonker slowly swims away, and the twins and Soos watch him leave.

"So, what now?" asks Soos.

"Isn't it obvious?" says Mabel playfully. Dipper smiles.

"Find Stan and tell him all about it!"


	3. Unicorn Apocalypse

**Author's Note: In addition to this, I will also be doing these one- shots soon:**

**What if Mabel won the bet with Stan while being nice instead of changing to be like him?**

**What would happen if the show focused on Pacifica?**

**What if Robbie, who definitely did not come up with that mind controlling song for Wendy by himself, had to make a deal that had great consequences in the future with some magical force in the woods in order to learn the secret to the song?**

PRINCESS GLITTER- FACE OF THE UNICORN REALM

Requested by CatherineHarris

"Candy, Grenda, what should I do?" Mabel asks her new friends. They huddle in the corner of the Mystery Shack party room, looking over their shoulders for Pacifica Northwest. She had just challenged Mabel to a party contest, and Mabel is determined to show this girl that she's more than just a silly kid.

"I don't know!" says Grenda. "But she has to go down."

"I happen to have some knowledge about chemical warfare…" says Candy thoughtfully.

"We're trying to beat Pacifica, not mutate her." says Mabel. "But thanks."

"I wonder why that idea is always shot down?" Candy asks rhetorically.

"Look at her." says Mabel. They look at the dance floor, where Pacifica and her clique are flirting with some guys. "I'll never be able to get more votes, especially because nobody knows me. It would take, like, five of me to win the contest."

"Aw, Mabel, you know that's not true." says Grenda.

"Why do you even need to win?" asks Candy.

"I don't _need _to win, but I'm going to try." says Mabel. She grins. "And I know just how to do it."

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"Are you sure this is a good idea?" asks Grenda nervously as she, Mabel, and Candy look at the old copier machine.

"It's perfect." says Mabel. "I'll be able to be everywhere and be three times as likeable." says Mabel. "And I can just melt the clones before the voting."

"If you say so…" says Grenda, stepping back. Mabel slowly climbs on top of the machine and flashes a thumbs- up.

"Wish me luck!" she says. Suddenly, the green lines traces her body, and she hops off the machine. It begins to sputter and smoke until a paper with a print of Mabel's form spits out. Before the girls can react, the paper shakes and a life- size, fully dimensional Mabel materializes. In order to distinguish herself from her clone, Mabel takes out a Sharpie and writes "2" on the duplicate's sweater.

"Hi there!" says Mabel.

"Ohmigosh, hi!" says the clone.

"My name's Mabel." says Mabel. "And can I just call you 'two'?"

"No, no." says Duplicate Mabel. "You know what I've always wanted to be called?"

"Of course!" says Mabel.

"Princess Glitter- Face of the Unicorn Realm?" they say in unison. They laugh, and Candy and Grenda nervously giggle along.

"Okay, Princess, here's the plan." says Mabel. "You go to one side of the dance floor and I go to the other. We charm the masses and beat Pacifica."

"Okey- dokey!" says Princess. "Let's go!"

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"Hey guys!" yells Princess to a few dancers. "Do you want to go play Unicorn Apocalypse?"

"What's that?" asks a red- headed teenage girl wearing combat boots.

"It's a super- fun game where you go to the roof, do a rain dance to summon the unicorns, jump off of the roof, and land on the army of horned horses you summoned! You win when you fly into the sunset to rule the world." explains Princess.

"That sounds pretty cool." says the redhead's friend. She wears glasses and high- tops.

"Then what are you waiting for?" says Princess.

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"Hey, guys! I'm going to sing a song for y'all!" says Mabel to the crowd. "It's called 'Don't Start Un- Believing'!"

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"Hey! How are you doing?" Mabel asks Princess. They stand in the attic.

"Good, how about you?"

"Great! Pacifica can't win while we're both around." says Mabel.

"Speaking of that…" says Princess. "I think I should be the one to receive the award."

"No way!" says Mabel. "I'm the original, here."

"I thought you would say that…" says Princess. "I'm sorry." She whips out Mabel's grappling hook, clings onto her sweater, and swings her into a closet. Princess frowns as she hears Mabel's panicked yells and pounding.

"Relax, I'll let you out after the voting." says Princess.

"Never!" yells Mabel, who bursts out of the closet using Soos' broom. She chases Princess up to the roof.

"Face it, I'm going to win!" taunts Princess.

"I don't think so." says Mabel. She smiles at the redhead and bespectacled girl.

"Come one! This will be fun!" says the girl with glasses. She and her friend pull Princess into a rain dance circle. Rainbows begin forming around the trio and they fall off the Mystery Shack Roof.

"Oh no!" says Mabel. She never wanted Princess to die…

"See ya soon!" yells Princess, riding alongside her new friends atop a swarm of majestic unicorns. They fly off into the sunset, leaving a trail of rainbows behind.

"Well." says Mabel. "That happened."

"Mabel! You're going to miss the voting!" yells Grenda, coming up behind her.

"Let's go!" says Candy.

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"I can't believe Pacifica still won." Mabel says sadly to Candy and Grenda.

"It's okay. The people who really matter know how great you are." says Grenda.

"You have us." says Candy.

"Really? You guys still like me?" asks Mabel.

"Of course!" bellows Grenda.

"Now let's finish this party together." says Candy. The trio steps into the light of the disco ball and doesn't leave 'till the party ends.


	4. Northwest

NORTHWEST

_Watch out, viewers! Disney Channel is getting a brand- new show this fall! From the creators of Austin and Ally, Dog with a Blog, More Brainless Bullshit, and Jessie, comes Northwest, a cartoon about the fabulous life of the young heiress Pacifica Northwest. Follow her and her sassy friends' adventures in the Gravity Falls Shopping Mall, as well as their flirty relationships with each other's boyfriends! First, meet Pacifica._

"What should I wear today?" says a petite blonde girl looking into a huge closet. She walks in, closes the door, and immediately comes out wearing a purple tunic and UGGs.

"Fabulous!" she says.

"Pacifica? Did you clean your room?" says an adult voice from outside of her bedroom.

"Haha, no! I'm too cool for that." says Pacifica. A canned laugh track plays and she winks with her heavily- colored eyelid.

_Now, meet her best friends: Misty and Sasha!_

"Ohmigod, Pacifica. Do you see that girl?" asks a café au lait- skinned girl with black hair, walking in town with her friends. The trio looks at a girl their age with brown hair and a big sweater on and laughs.

"She's _so _not it." says the girl with a red bob wearing a blue dress.

"What exactly _is _'it'?" asks Pacifica.

"It's what TV networks and magazines tell us is cool." explains Sasha, twirling her black hair.

"And _we're _it?" asks Pacifica.

"Of course!" says Misty. "Because we've got that _swag_."

"What a relief." says Pacifica. "I'm okay with the concept of 'it', as long as it applies to _me_!"

The laugh track plays. _Again. _

_But not everything is "it" and "swag" for these girls. They have plenty of problems. For example, meet Guy. He's really hot. Will Pacifica and her BFFS have enough of him to go around?_

"I can't believe you and Guy went to the movies on the day of my birthday party!" Misty yells at Sasha.

"But you told me not to come because Pacifica apparently hates me and you like her more!" argues Sasha. The canned "oooh" plays.

"Yeah, only because _you _kissed guy at _my _party!" yells Pacifica.

"Do you ever think we should just choose our own guys?" asks Misty. The laugh track plays. "Wait, that wasn't a joke…"

_As you can see, this show is filled with drama. The perfect picture is complete… or is it? Lastly, meet Pacifica's talking dog Frou-Frou. Because no show is complete without a freaking talking dog. _

"Do you like these shoes, Frou- Frou?" Pacifica asks her Pomeranian, holding up a pair of white go- go boots.

"They're just so _it_!" says Frou- Frou.

"Thanks, you always know what to say." says Pacifica.

_See? We added some teenage girls to the equation so it wasn't just a talking dog. Because a whole show whose entire plot is a talking dog that does nothing but make terrible puns is too low even for Disney Channel._

_ Or is it?_

_ Tune in for the first episode or Northwest! Airing on Doomsday (whenever that is) on Disney Channel!_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Uhm, if you guys haven't noticed, I kinda really hate all Disney Channel programming that isn't Gravity Falls or to some extent Phineas and Ferb. I hate all of the Live- Action shows, but I have a special amount contempt for Dog With a Blog. It shares GF's time slot, which is embarrassing for Gravity Falls because it's less intelligent and well- done than Sharknado. Pacifica is basically a combination of all those pre- teen Disney characters (CeCe and Rocky [who gives their children those names?], Emma Whatever from Jessie, and that bratty kid from, you guessed it, Dog with a Blog), and I showed that in this parody. I know it's short, but I'm really tired. I've seen a lot of great suggestions, and I'll be writing them as soon as possible!**


	5. Llamas (and Robbie) With Hats, Rejected

LLAMAS (AND ROBBIE) WITH HATS

_What if Robbie, who definitely did not come up with that mind controlling song for Wendy by himself, had to make a deal that had great consequences in the future with some magical force in the woods in order to learn the secret to the song?_

"Dammit!" says Robbie, looking at his phone's screen. There are three calls and six texts from Wendy. He totally forgot about their date!

"What am I gonna do?" he asks himself, and looks around the empty Circle Park. Suddenly, a glimmer of light shines in the dense forest. Robbie curiously follows it into the greenery, pocketing his phone. He eventually finds the clearing that contains the bright light.

"Hello?" Robbie asks, pulling aside a tree branch to get a better view. He gasps when he sees the occupants of the area.

"Caaarrrrl! What are we doing here?" asks a llama wearing a pink hat. Another Llama, this one wearing a green hat, frowns.

"I have no idea. It's not like I've been planning this surprise trip for the past six months…"

"Carl! One second, I was in the bathtub and now I'm here! Wherever here is…"

"Uhm, excuse me?" asks Robbie, revealing himself. "How are you… talking? And in Oregon? I mean, don't llamas live nearer to the equator…?"

"Do you happen to have a knife on you?" asks the llama with a green hat.

"Ignore Carl." instructs the other llama. "And we're in Oregon?" He turns to Carl. "How did you get us in _Oregon_?"

"I killed a fairy so I could harvest its magic juice." says Carl.

"He's joking, right?" asks Robbie.

"Sadly, no." says the unnamed llama. "I'm Paul, by the way."

"Uh. Nice to meet you." says Robbie.

"Do you want those hands?" asks Carl, looking dreamily at Robbie outstretched palm. Robbie quickly pulls his hand back.

"Why would you want my _hands_?" asks Robbie.

"To eat. Duh." says Carl.

"That's disgusting!"

"Welcome to my life." says Paul.

"Why are you here?" asks Robbie.

"I got a cosmic message that there was somebody that needed my help." says Carl. "So I guess it's you."

"Uhm, okay…" says Robbie. "I _do _need help. See, I accidentally forgot about my date with my girlfriend because I was at Ulta looking for male eye paint. She's really mad and I need a way out of it."

"Just tell her the truth and apologize." offers Paul.

"That' mbns no fun!" says Carl. "I have a few things." He shakes his head and the green hat falls on the ground. Just like the TARDIS or Mary Poppins' bag, it seems like it's much larger on the inside.

"What is this?" asks Robbie, pulling out a legitimate samurai sword.

"That's for weekends." says Carl. "Look closer."

"Wait. What's this?" asks Robbie, holding up a creepy- looking black CD.

"It's for mind control." says Carl. "Lip sync to it and viola! You're on the way to world domination."

"Uhm, I just want to stop Wendy from breaking up with me." says Robbie.

"Have it your way." says Carl. "And now to discuss payment…"

"Payment?" asks Robbie. "You never said anything about payment!"

"Do you want the CD or not?" asks Carl. "Because if not, I have other places to be. There's a sharknado in California that I wanna see."

"Carl! I don't want to see a sharknado!" says Paul.

"Okay, fine. What's your price?" asks Robbie.

"Your soul." says Carl.

"What?" asks Robbie.

"Just kidding, I'll settle for some pancakes." says Carl.

"Huh?"

"Some pancakes. I'm making a meat dragon and I need some pancakes for the lining."

"Don't question it." says Paul.

"Okay." says Robbie. "I'll go get you some pancakes."

"Don't hurt yourself." says Carl. "Pancakes can be very dangerous."

"I'll be back soon." says Robbie. He exits the clearing and looks down at the CD.

"Mind control for pancakes… that llama really is insane."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

REJECTED, REJECTED, YOU JUST GOT REJECTED. RE- JE- CTED REJECTED!

_What if Mabel had said no to Gideon when he asked her on for the 1st time?_

"Mabel, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" Gideon asks Mabel Pines. They are sitting on top of the roof of Gideon's factory wearing opera glasses. Mabel frowns. She really doesn't want to go on a date with Gideon. There's only one choice.

"Gideon, I…" Mabel begins to say. She stops in the middle of her sentence, stands up, extends her arms, and falls backwards off of the roof.

"My marshmallow!" yells Gideon, getting up.

"Peace out, sucker!" yells Mabel, swinging onto a close pine tree with her grappling hook. She disappears into the forest.

"Oh." says Gideon.

THE END (I LIKE THIS ENDING MORE THAN WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED)


	6. Candy- Bot 3000

Hello, people of FanFiction! Glad to know you like these one- shots. I'm getting a lot of requests, so please don't be offended if yours takes a while or I don't do it. If you propose a ship, you can be 95% sure I'm not writing it, by the way. I'm not a shipping person. In addition, I'm just letting you guys know that any story between Dipper and Wendy will ALWAYS result in Dip getting friendzoned, so I don't really like writing those. I also have an announcement: I will be doing a special short story installment of Falling into Gravity Falls! More information about that will be coming soon. I'm also going to experiment with some first person FanFic writing. And now, onto today's stories!

**CANDY- BOT 2000**

_What if Candy was actually a robot from the future sent to destroy Dipper? I don't know_.

MABEL'S PERSPECTIVE

I love having friends. Do you know what I mean? They're always there to cheer you up, they give excellent fashion advice, and aren't afraid to stand up for you. When I came to Gravity Falls, I thought my only friend was going to be my twin brother, Dipper. But then I met Candy and Grenda, two local outcasts who were in need of a wacky ringleader like me.

I'm going to miss them so much when I leave, but I push that from my mind. It's party time! I smile and walk to the front door, where the duo are ringing the bell.

"Hi!" I say, letting Candy and Grenda in. "You guys ready to par- tay?"

"Of course!" says Grenda. "I brought the peanut butter!" She takes a huge jar of it out of her bag.

"And I brought some movies." adds Candy.

"Did you know that they made a film adaption of Wolf Man, Bare Chest?" asks Grenda excitedly. I smile.

"I can't wait." I say. "Can you guys give me a sec? I'm gonna let Dipper know that you're here."

"KK." says Grenda. I giggle to myself as I walk upstairs. Did I mention that I love these girls?

"Dipper!" I yell as I open the door to our joint bedroom. "Candy and Grenda are here, so if you want to be anti- social like usual, you should probably go play poker with Stan or something."

"I'm not anti- social." says my brother stiffly, even though he knows I'm joking around. "I'm just afraid I'll become your next victim."

"Victim? What do you mean by that?" I ask innocently.

"There's a wide spectrum of things you guys could attack me with." Dipper explains. "Ranging from mascara brushes to laser guns."

"Don't be silly, Dip." I say briskly. "No laser guns. And now that you mention it, you _would _look fabulous with lashes." I tease playfully.

"No! A thousand times no!" says Dipper, standing up and tucking the book into his vest.

"I'm just kidding." I say. "You know none of my friends would ever want to hurt you."

"Unless I was holding Grenda's peanut butter…" says Dipper. I look at him sternly, but break into a grin.

"Go have fun with Stan." I say, waving him off. I watch Dipper walk down the stairs and then call my friends up.

"Candy! Grenda! It's party time!"

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"That was an amazing movie." says Grenda, turning off her tiny DVD player.

"Fantastic cinematography." adds Candy.

"And Gerard is so hot!" I add. "Although, I've dated hotter…"

"Really?" asks Candy.

"Tell us, Mabel!" urges Grenda, shoving her hand into her jar of peanut butter.

"Oh, it was a couple of weeks ago." I say. "We met at the pool. What about you, Candy? Have you ever dated anyone?"

"No." says Candy. "But I _do _have a crush on someone…"

"Who?" asks Mabel, jumping up. Candy has never expressed interest in boys before.

"Uhm… your brother." Candy admits. Grenda gasps and Mabel puts her hand to her mouth.

"Really?" asks Mabel after she recovers. "That's so cute! Dipper needs someone to distract him from Wendy."

"We should totally set them up!" yells Grenda, and Mabel urges her to be softer.

"If we do, it has to be sneaky." says Mabel. Candy blushes.

"Okay." she agrees. "Let's do it."

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DIPPER'S PERSPECTIVE

"Ha! I win!" says Grunkle Stan, slamming on the table. I shake a little in my chair and sigh.

"I give up." I say. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go hang out with Soos."

"Who don't you go play with Mabel and company?" asks Stan. "Do I need to remind you that there are two available ladies in your bedroom right now?"

"If you're implying what I think you're implying, then I _really _need to leave this conversation." I say, standing up. "Besides, they creep me out. It feels like they're… out to get me."

"Oh, yeah. I heard your little spat with Mabel. Look out for the mascara, okay buddy?" teases Stan as he opens a can of Pitt Cola. "And tell Soos that I'm cutting his paycheck in half."

"He has a paycheck?" I ask, but I don't wait for an answer. I walk out of the room and into the hallway, only to bump into Candy.

"Oh, hi Dipper. Sorry." she says quietly.

"It's okay." I say. "Where are Mabel and Grenda?"

"Oh, they're still upstairs. We're playing truth or dare, and Mabel dared me to dance around in front of Stan." says Candy.

"Oh. Cool." I say. "Have you seen Soos?"

"No, I haven't." says Candy. She stands in my way awkwardly, staring at me intently.

"Uhm, I'm going to go find him…" I mumble, but she still refuses to let me move.

"Can we talk?" she asks. She looks over her shoulder. "Outside?"

"Uh, sure." I say. This is probably part of the dare, but I don't want to hurt Candy's feelings. I agree and follow her out the front door.

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CANDY'S PERSPECTIVE

My name is Candy Chiu. I am an agent of the Time Anomaly Removal Department, and I was born in 2099. That's not all. I'm also a robot.

Yeah. Let it all sink in.

You see, I was sent to Gravity Falls, Oregon in 2013 on a special mission. The orders were simple: destroy Dipper Pines. This kid grows up to be one of the most intelligent and influential people of his time. He eventually writes a cartoon TV show about his adventures in Gravity Falls, dangerously exposing the TARD. So, naturally, we have to stop him before that happens.

As I stand outside in the chilly wind facing the boy, I re- think all of the experiences I've had in this town and time. I became best friends with Grenda, which wasn't part of the plan. Neither was my friendship with Mabel, Dipper's twin. I genuinely care about those two, and I've been facing conflict about my assignment ever since I met them.

If I destroy Dipper Pines, I will never speak to Mabel again. It's a simple truth. One that I've been struggling with for a while. I've been procrastinating the mission ever since that party at the Mystery Shack, and I wish I could forever. But, tonight, I finally set it up: they think I have crush on Dipper, so naturally they'd leave me alone with him. I guess the real question is, will I chicken out when the time comes?

It looks like I have a choice: friendship or duty. Hey, the fact that I'm a robot doesn't mean that I don't have a heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

DIPPER'S PERSPECTIVE

"So… what is it?" I ask Candy. She frowns.

"It's…nothing." she says, a shadow falling on her face. "Dipper, I have to go. Tell Mabel that she's been one of the best friends ever."

"What?" I ask. "That makes no sense!"

"Please." says Candy, sounding much more mature than usual. "Do it. And, uhm, I'm sorry about this." I gasp as she pulls out a futuristic laser- looking device.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my voice cracking.

"Sorry, Dipper." she says sadly. She looks away and pulls the trigger.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Dipper! Are you okay?" asks a panicked Mabel. My eyes begin to open, and I feel a sore pounding in my head.

"What… what happened?" I ask quietly.

"It's okay, Stan! He's fine!" yells Mabel. She turns back down to me. "Dipper, I was so worried. I found you out here unconscious, and I called Grenda and Stan out, and I can't find Candy…"

"You're not going to find Candy." I say. "She left, after shooting me with whatever knocked me out."

"What?" asks Mabel. "That makes no sense."

"No. It doesn't." I agree. "But frankly, I'm just thankful that I woke up. And that there's no mascara on my face."

"Awww, Dipper." says Mabel, helping me up. "You can't be too sure of that."

"What?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing. Grenda, giggling, passes me a hand mirror. I see my reflection and roll my eyes. "Gee, Mabel, way to hit a man while he's down." I say.

"We didn't do it." says Mabel. "Candy probably did."

"That's possible." I say. "She should be grateful she's not here to see the end of it."

"Calm down." says Mabel. "Let's get you inside before anything else crazy happens."

"Okay. I don't know how much more crazy I can take tonight." I agree.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

CANDY'S PERSPECTIVE (3011)

I made the right choice. Or, at least I tell myself that every day I sit here. After they found out that I failed my mission, the TARD fired me on the spot. Now, I live a normal life. I go to virtual school, take my food capsules, and get fixed at the shop monthly. So, maybe not normal, but you know what I mean.

Sometimes I wish I could go talk to Mabel and Grenda, tell them what really went down. I won't, because I know that I'd do more harm than good. There is never a day where I regret my descision to spare Dipper and preserve our friendship.

The only thing keeping me happy is the fact that I've seen Grenda and Mabel's futures. They both turn out great, doing things they love. I like to think that I contributed, if only a little bit.

And don't tell anyone, but I gave them a few gifts in their lifetimes. When Mabel was in college and short on cash, I sent her yarn and knitting supplies anonymously. And I made sure Grenda had an endless supply of peanut butter.

After all, that's what a friend would do. And who doesn't love friends?


	7. Hiatus is Over!

I HAVE NEWS! THIS WILL BE THE LAST ANNOYING UPDATE, BTW! KK.

With school and stress, I have decided that I cannot commit to a continuous GF fanfic. I am, however, writing an original story over of Fictionpress called the Vendits.

_But._

My one- shot story, What If? is being taken off of its two- month hiatus! Whoo- hoo! So get your reviews in, and we'll have a party. Because I know you guys like the other stories, you can request anything with At Summer's End, When Gravity Fails, Falling in Reverse, or Falling into Gravity Falls characters or settings or overall stories!

And maybe I'll get some updates in for the other stories. But probably not, until I get a hang of high school.

So review on What If? and get ready for some awesome- tastic Cliché one- shots!


	8. So Many Levels of Awkward

**Author's Note: Alright, if you all haven't noticed yet, these stories range from complete satire to sweet friendship pieces. I don't ship usually, and I don't kill off major characters. This being said, I've decided to start off the new era of one- shots with a satire, humor piece!**

SO MANY LEVELS OF AWKWARD

_What if Soos, Stan, or Wendy "broke up" with Gideon?_

"Uhm, dude." says Soos, sitting beside the child physic on the roof of Gravity Falls' only factory.

"Yes?" asks Gideon Gleeful. Soos requested the kid's autograph after his show at The Tent of Telepathy, but Gideon took it… farther. The pair got some pancakes, and now they're watching the sun set on Gideon's roof.

"I don't think this is going to work out." says Soos.

"Well, duh." says Gideon.

"What?" asks Soos.

"The only reason I've spent so much cash on you is so I could get you to destroy The Mystery Shack from the inside. But it's become painfully obvious that your loyalty to that dump cannot be swayed."

"Dude!" says Soos. "That's terrible! I'm never talking to you agai-"

Gideon looks down at Soos as he falls off the roof. Soos lands in a dumpster below the factory, full of powdered wigs. Gideon rolls his eyes.

"Idiot."

XXX

"What am I even doing here?" asks a confused Stan Pines. He sits beside his mortal enemy Gideon Gleeful atop the roof of the factory on Gopher Road.

"I have no idea. Get off of my roof!" yells Gideon. He looks up to the sky. "Seriously Sam, stop writing this stuff!"

_I happen to think it's entertaining._

"Well, we don't." says Stan.

"Yeah." Gideon agrees.

Agrees?

"We did NOT just agree on something." says Stan angrily.

"Oh no! We did!" says Gideon, looking mortified. The enemies look at each other and blink rapidly.

"I'm going to go now." says Stan, calmly sliding himself off of the roof.

"Yeah, I have some wigs to brush…" says Gideon, heading back inside the factory.

_Wierd._

XXX

"Wendy, would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" asks a hopeful Gideon Gleeful, sitting beside the tall teenage girl. He looks down at the town of Gravity Falls and smiles.

"Wait… that's what all this was about?" asks Wendy. "I thought you were just hitting me up to get business with my dad!"

"No, my sweet!" says Gideon. "I only have eyes for you!"

"Ugh, ew." says Wendy, looking away and putting her hand in her pocket.

"Please…" says Gideon, putting his pudgy hand on Wendy's arm.

"Oh _HELL_ no!" yells Wendy, whipping out her military- grade pepper spray and letting it rip.

Gideon rolls around on the rooftop, until he eventually falls off, landing in a dumpster full of his hair. Poetic justice, Wendy thinks.

"You have only eyes for me?" asks Wendy, tossing the tiny can of pain in the air and catching it effortlessly. "Well, now you have eyes for no one, you 'lil creeper."


	9. Loser

**LOSER**

_What if Stan won the bet in Boss Mabel?_

MABEL

It has been two months since I was forced to wear this goddamn "Loser" shirt by my great- uncle. In that time, my life has gotten so terrible that sometimes I just want to hurt someone. I haven't worn a sweater in forever, and Dipper, Candy, and Grenda stopped speaking to me a while back.

So here I am now, in total solitude, rolled up in ball wearing a disgusting, dirty, old T- shirt with the word "LOSER" printed on it in big black letters. It certainly does fit, considering the fact that I've changed from charismatic to depressed.

This shirt, this _curse_, has changed me. Gone is the lighthearted, adorable Mabel that everyone used to know and love. Stan has made me into a monster.

Of course, when he realized that my pain went farther than a stupid practical joke, he tried to coax me out of the shirt and help me re- adjust to my former self, but by then it was too late. Now, Stan can't bear the guilt of what he had done to me, so he just chooses to ignore it.

I suppose I could take this shirt off. But it'd feel so wrong. I know so many things now that I didn't before.

This is what I learned: it sucks to be a loser. Sure, I was silly back then, but I wasn't a _loser_. Now that I truly am, however, I've experienced the sorrows of being an outcast. People pretend you're not there because they don't want to know you're there. You feel so alone, so terrible, but you also realize something: that you are just as a terrible person as they are.

Before the shirt, I ignored people who I thought were weird. Take Old Man McGuckett for example, he's nuts. So I chose to just look over him like he didn't exist.

Knowing what I know now, I will never forgive myself for that.

Which is why I don't want to go back to how I was; I'm afraid I'll begin to revert to my old patterns, to _human nature_, and make other people feel as horrible as I do.

I get up and walk over to the full- length mirror in Mystery Shack Attic. What do I see? A disgusting, dirty, kid who gave up on herself. Her hair is tangled a messy, and her entire body is covered with a huge, oversized T- shirt with "Loser" on it. Yep, I don't see why anyone _wouldn't _ignore. I don't why _I _wouldn't ignore me.

Suddenly, the mirror begins to ripple. I gasp as the image looking back at me morphs. I put my hand over my mouth as I stare into the eyes of my former self.

"Hey there." she says, as if in a dream. She wears a big pink sweater and a turquoise skirt. I remember looking like that.

"Uhm, hi?" I say. I wave, and she waves back.

"So, we need to talk." she says.

"About what?"

"About you. Me. Us. Ugh, you get it."

"Yeah. I get it." I say, raising an eyebrow. 'What is it?"

"Well," says Former Me, "I'm here to help you. You gotta take that shirt off."

"No. I don't." I say stiffly.

"You do." she argues. "Look, I know Stan hurt your feelings and took the joke too far. That's one of his flaws. But you can rise above this, Mabel. I know you can, because you're me. No bully or jerk can ever hurt you unless you let them."

"But-"

"I also know that you think it'd be betraying your newfound moral code, but that's wrong. You can choose to ignore 'losers'. Or you can talk to them, and be nice to them, and convince other people to like them, too. However, hiding in that shirt doesn't let you do anything."

"Okay..." I say, thinking.

"You're afraid of becoming a bully yourself, but Mabel, you're not. It's not in your nature. You're a good person, and your heart is in the right place. Why else would you feel so guilty? But, here's the thing: you have no reason to be guilty. So, for God's sake, take that shirt off."

"You're right. I should take it off." I say. "But the message is true. Kind of. The point of it is, it doesn't matter if people like me or if I'm cool. I'm me, I'm caring, I'm kind, and that's all that matters. And nobody is going to change that. I will wear the word Loser proudly, because it will remind me of my strength." I say.

"There you go." says Former Me. She looks behind her, but I see nothing. "Well, I've gotta go." she says.

"Thanks for the help!" I say, waving. Sadly, when I blink and open my eyes, all I see is my dirty reflection staring back at me. I look at myself, determined.

"It's time to turn it around, Miss Mabel." I say.

DIPPER

I sigh as I watch the TV in the Mystery Shack's den. I wish Mabel would join me. She hasn't for two months, though, so I guess that's out.

I think we stopped trying to fix her after a couple weeks. She looked so… sad. And she wouldn't come out of the attic. It was pretty scary, actually. It still is.

I look back at Baby Fights and try to drown out my thoughts. But I can't, due to the soft footsteps behind me.

"Mabel?" I ask, looking at my sister and gasping. She has a huge grin on her face. Her hair is soft and smooth and back to the way it was. She wears a pink skirt, and-

She doesn't have the LOSER shirt on.

"Mabel! You took it off!" I yell, grinning. Instead of the canvas monstrosity, my sister has on a hand- knitted blue sweater. It glitters and glows with every applique she owns. But the central focus of the garment is the word printed smack- dab in the center.

LOSER.

"You like it?" Mabel asks quietly.

"I love it." I say.

"Yeah," says Mabel, looking happily down at herself, "I do too."

**AUTHORS NOTE: So the message of this one- shot, if not obvious enough, was anti- bullying. I hope you guys liked it. Just letting y'all know that you can also request crossover one- shots or AU's. Alright, that's all. Bye!**


	10. Reversed Part 1

**REVERSED (PART ONE)**

_I request the Reverse Pines AU._

GIDEON

"Hey! Careful with the hairdo!" I bark at the burly prison guard as he throws me into my cell. He grunts and slams the door shut, leaving me to my misery.

Today has not been a good day.

It _started _as a good day; I had the Shack, and the Pines twins were headed out of town. I had finally won. But then, I had to get that journal… I chased down Dipper and Mabel and ended up getting arrested.

I suppose I'll just have to face the fact that I'll never beat those two. I've tried so many times, but to no avail.

But if not I, then who _could _defeat the Pines twins once and for all? Certainly not anyone I know.

I gasp as I look down at my amulet, which is tucked under my prison shirt. It's glowing! What's going on here?

I scramble off the floor so I can call for help, but it's too late. I am enveloped in a wall of bright, blue light.

XXX

"Wha-?" I say faintly as I sit up, gaining consciousness. I look around my new location and grin. I'm free! I sit in front of the Mystery Shack. Now's my chance to get revenge on the Pines, once and for all!

I run (or trot, depends how you look at it) up to the wooden door, and knock loudly on it. I'll take the direct approach.

"Hello?" asks a familiar Southern voice. I gasp. That's not Stanford Pines! I face my own father, Bud Gleeful, holding open the door to the Mystery Shack. He wears an outfit scarily similar to Stan's, and holds a huge wad of cash.

"D- dad?" I ask, my face turner whiter than it already is.

"Gideon? Why aren't you with your friend Pacifica?" asks Father.

"Pacifica? _Northwest?" _I ask, my eyebrows raised. Not once have I ever spoken to that girl!

"Uh, yeah." says Father. "Y'all are cousins, and if I heard Paz correctly, BFF's."

"Well, that's… interesting." I say, thinking. I'm best friends with the most popular and powerful girl in Gravity Falls? This could be interesting…

Wait, so is this some kind of alternate universe or something? I live at the Mystery Shack, with a… _hat on my head_? I frown as I reach up to feel my foot- high hair, but only touch a normal, shaggy head covered with a trucker cap adorned with a pine tree. My God, I look like Dipper Pines!

So, if I'm Dipper in this new world, who's Mabel? Pacifica? And… who's me? Wow, this is very confusing. But _oh so_ interesting as well.

I can't wait to see how it plays out.

REV MABEL

"Brother, something odd seems to be occuring." I say as I brush my long, brunette hair. I look at my glorious self in the mirror as I do so. Dipper and I rest in our dressing room before today's performance. We have some new tricks that our audience will be just _dying _to see. I use the word _dying_ for a reason.

"And what would that be?" asks Dipper, fastening his belt adorned with a blue stone. I have the same gem on my headband, which I slowly place on my perfect head.

"I sense a disturbance in our world." I say. "Someone is here who should not be."

"That's strange." says Dipper.

It is very obvious that I am the superior Gleeful twin, is it not? I mean, I have the looks, the power, and the charm. All Dipper has is his hair, which he has gelled up to the size of his ego.

"Well, hopefully it doesn't spoil our show." I say, sighing dramatically. I stand up and admire my outfit, a tasteful vest and bodysuit paired with tights and boots. I have my star pin attached to my lapel. Some would call it a good luck charm, but I beg to differ. I need no luck.

You see, Dipper and I, along with our great uncle Stanford, moved to this town in order to wow its gullible people with our very much real magic. We own this town, and we are the most popular people our age here.

I have made very little mistakes since I arrived in Gravity Falls, with the exception of my little crush on Gideon Pines. It was nothing, really. Seriously. My new motto is: if someone still won't love you even when you have them under a knife, then you should probably give up.

As for Dipper, he does have that pesky little thing for our local rebellious teenager postergirl Wendy Corduroy. Too bad she's dating Robert the bookworm, who lives his life in the library.

You could probably say that I have perfect life. It's true. I know more about this town than anyone else, including Dipper. I have more friends than I do hairs on my head. I can do magic that can make your head spin. Literally.

So, if all of this is true, then why do I feel so lonely?

_Ha! _You IDIOT! You took that seriously? I pity your stupidity. I am Mabel Gleeful, and I rule this town. Don't forget it, or you'll be sorry.

"Mabel, you seem to have been right." says Dipper from behind me.

"Yes, yes, I always am." I say, rolling my eyes.

"No, Mabel, you were right about the disturbance." Dipper mumbles.

"How so?" I ask, but my brother has no time to respond.

I gasp as I see that my headband and his belt are glowing. We are both swallowed up by the light, our screams drowned out by the overwhelming rush of the wind.

**Author's Note: Yes, this is not exactly a one- shot, but it's not a full story, either. I predict five parts at the most. I'll try to do other requests in between parts. Keep requesting and reviewing, love you guys!**

**PS. Reverse Mabel is the most fun perspective to write in, ever.**


	11. Reversed Part 2

**REVERSED (PART TWO)**

MABEL

"What the heck just happened?" I ask, rubbing my head. One second ago, Dipper and I were hanging out at the Shack playing with Waddles. Now, it looks like we're in some kind of strange dressing room. The area is musty and badly lit, and turquoise costumes hang on racks around us. I look down and gasp.

"I look… I look…" I say, examining this monstrous excuse for an outfit.

"Wow, Mabel." says Dipper mockingly.

"_Don't say it." _I say, not even taking the time to examine his digs.

"Okaaay…" says Dipper.

"Fine! I look like… like… a slutty Halloween costume version of Gideon!" I yell out. I stare down at the bodysuit and weird vest thingy that I have on and gag.

"That, you do." says Dipper, absentmindedly reaching up to feel his hat. "Oh no." he says quietly. I look up at him and burst out laughing.

"Well, you look even more _fabulous_!" I say sarcastically. Dipper is wearing some kind of pastel blue cowboy get- up, and his hair is raised with God knows how much gel. His birthmark is all exposed. Hey, I haven't seen that in a while.

"So, we're in a new world, with new clothes, and what I assume to be new identities." I say. "What do we do now?"

"Uhm, Mabel?" says Dipper, looking at the curtains separating the dressing room from whatever is out there. I hear cheers and my cheeks lose their color. "I think we have to… perform."

"What? No!" I say. "We're not Gideon, Dipper!"

"Yeah, but…" says Dipper, pointing to Stan, dressed in a pink Hawaiian shirt, staring at us menacingly. Something tells me that he'll be more than mad if we bail from this show.

"Fine." I say. "But what are we doing?" I ask. I don't know any magic tricks!

"I found notes and props!" says Dipper, holding up some parchment paper and a bunch of knifes. Are those… real?

"It says here that we…" says Dipper, speed- reading through the pages. He gulps. "I get it."

"What _is_ it?" I ask, peeking over his shoulder.

"Oh. _Oh._" I say, grimacing.

"That's so wrong." says Dipper.

"And I _did not _need to see those diagrams." I say.

"Amen, sister."

"Well, considering the fact that I don't want to decapitate anyone today, I say we go to Plan B." I say, chucking the papers over my shoulder.

"Which is?" asks Dipper.

"Lammy Lammy Dance." I say. Dipper turns sheet white.

"NO WAY!" he yells. I shush him.

"Come on! This is what you've been training for since birth!" I say. I get close to Dipper's ear and whisper more encouragement. "_It's your time._"

"Mabel, what the heck is wrong with you?" asks Dipper, smiling.

"I dunno!" I say, shrugging. "But what I _do_ know is that we've got a show to put on, and a bunch of problems to sort out. So let's get to it!"

Dipper opens the curtain and we walk out to face the crowd.

REVESE MABEL

"Ah!" I yell, sitting up abruptly. The last thing I remember is being in the dressing room with Dipper, but instead I sit on grass. Disgusting!

I stand up and begin to dust myself up, but my startled screams interrupt the action.

"DIPPER! WHAT THE FU-"

"Mabel! What is it?" asks Dipper, standing up beside me.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS, IDIOT?" I ask. I take deep breaths and motion to my outfit.

"Heh." says Dipper, smirking.

"THIS IS NOT FREAKING FUNNY, DIPPER!" I yell. "I LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND- LOVIN', 80'S AT HEART, CUTESY LITTLE GIRL!"

"I have to say, it suits you." says Dipper dryly.

"I'LL SUIT _YOU_, IN YOUR OWN INTERNAL ORGANS!" I say. Dipper rolls his eyes.

"Calm down, Mabel." says Dipper, genuinely concerned. "Look at me! I'm no worse for wear."

"You sure aren't." I say, amused. Dipper wears a vest, shorts, sneakers, and a strange hat. But the mile- an- hour beating of my heart does not cease, considering the fact that there's a _pig _on my sweater. Why a pig? What significance does that even have?

My question is answered by an oinking noise from behind me.

"Stay back, swine!" I command, pointing a magic blue flame at the offensive creature. The pig, however, just sits down, cocks its head, and… smiles?

"Uh, stay… back?" I say, the fire dimming.

I'm not going to hurt that pig. I'm going to love it forever and ever and ever-

There's something wrong with me. I raise an eyebrow at the adorable little animal. It raises a paw to my now- extinguished hand.

_Oink- oink. _

"Hi there." I say, my voice even. Dipper guffaws from behind me. I turn around to him, glaring.

"You shut your mouth." I hiss. I turn back to the pig.

"What's your name, little guy?" I ask. This is weird. The last time I spoke so kindly to anyone was when I dated Gideon Pines. Sigh, how quickly those blissful three hours went by.

_Oink- oink._

"Well, I have no idea what you're saying." I say. I scoop the little think up in my arms, smiling. "But I'm going to call you Waddles, m'kay? It suits you."

"So, should we figure out what exactly is going on, sister?" asks Dipper.

"Indeed." I say, taking a knife out of my sock. "Even in this twisted world, we are still the most powerful adolescents in Gravity Falls. This will be a piece of cake."

_Oink- oink!_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Did I mention how fun it is to write Reverse Mabel? Anyway, I've decided to also make this story into an Ask the Author. So, along with your requests, feel free to ask me stuff! Yup, that's all. **


	12. Reversed Partial Part 3

**REVERSED- PART THREE**

MABEL

"Well that was some show." I say, gasping for air as the curtains close.

"Yeah, no kidding." says Dipper, equally out of breath. He might be a little more uncomfortable than me, considering the fact that he's dressed in a wool suit. I'm still in this slutty Gideon- esque getup. Note to self: get out of this bodysuit before I attract some slobbering teenage guys. Sure, I love it when that happens, but I believe that a girl's personality and brain are always more important than her appearance.

"So what now, sis?" asks Dipper.

"Well, we should probably figure out what the heck is going on." I say.

"Let's head to the Shack." says Dipper. "Maybe someone we know can help us."

"Good plan."

XXX

"Wow, everything looks so…"

"Different." I say, finishing Dipper's sentence. I look at the crowd of people in front of the Mystery Shack and tap the guy in front of me.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm, like, super short. Can you move a little bit?" I ask. The man looks more frightened than I was that one time a dinosaur took Waddles.

"Yes, ma'am!" he says, his voice cracking. He moves all the way over to the other side of the crowd, making room for Dipper and I to see.

"That was weird." says Dipper.

"You're telling me."

**I CAN'T GO ON ANY LONGER. Guys, I had literally five hours of homework today, and I just started a whole new story featuring all of my OC's. Go check it out, by the way. I'm going to fall asleep on the keyboard if I don't get to bed ****_now. _****Thanks for your patience, and I'll continue this very soon. This message is approved by your half- awake author.**


	13. I Don't Even Know, Okay?

**I DON'T EVEN KNOW, OKAY?**

_What if Dipper was locked in a truck underground while a birch tree mutated into a rocket ship with a giant mouth and flew into space and ate Neptune and spit it at Gravity Falls where it hit Mabel and made her obsessed with creating orange yarn than goes around Gravity Falls eating everybody's blueberry pie?_

"Alright, children. Sit down so Mommy can tell you a bedtime story." says a forty- year- old woman to her three children. They are triplets and five years of age. They climb into their shared bed and lean on a large pillow. Their mother smiles and continues to talk.

"I'm going to _sing _you a story tonight." she says.

"Yay!" says the shortest of the triplets. "What's it about, Mommy?"

"You'll find out." says the woman. "This song is based off a legend about our town, Gravity Falls."

"Ooh!" says the tallest of the triplets. "Sing it!"

"Okay, here I go." says the Mother, smiling.

"_Once upon a time_

_ In Gravity Falls_

_ Ol' Dipper Pines_

_ Made plenty of calls_

_ But no one could hear him_

_ His sister had fear that_

_ He would never come home_

_ Dipper never did return_

_ Underground he started to learn_

_ How to live like a rabbit_

_ In this town of Gravity Falls._

_ The next day Mabel, heartbroken and sad_

_ Turned her attention to being bad_

_ She built a birch rocket, shot it up into place_

_ Straight into Neptune was the rocket's final place_

_ The magic of Neptune came back to our world_

_ Enchanting the yarn of that poor little girl_

_ In the town of Gravity Falls._

_ Soon, the yarn began to act weird_

_ And Mabel's obsession set into gear_

_ The yarn went around, it's orange color glaring_

_ Eating up pie and to little kids scaring_

_ So here's the lesson to learn from this tale:_

_ Hide your pie until it goes stale_

_ Because, my children, if you fail_

_ The yarn and girl will be on your tail_

_ In the town of Gravity Falls!"_

The mother and the children sit in stunned silence for thirty seconds.

"Mommy, what drugs are you on?" asks the tallest triplet. The mother smiles.

"None, dear, none." she says. "Good night and sweet dreams."

"Uh, night." says the shortest triplet.

The mother closes the triplet's bedroom door and heaves a sigh of relief. She takes out her third packet of Smile Dip for the day and pours it all into her mouth. She sits on the carpet and watches the world spin around her.

"Let's leave this place, Yarny, I smell blueberry pie!" she yells, climbing atop the huge orange yarn ball levitating in front of her.

They fly into the sunset, headed towards adventure.

**Author's Note: Yeah, that was my favorite request I've ever gotten. So, now on a more serious note, I have a problem. I started writing every day around June. Before then, I obviously wasn't as good at what I do. I just got the standardized test scores from March back, and they say that I'm only ****_proficient. _****Now my parents don't believe in my whole "author- aspiration- thing". It's frustrating. Alright, I've vented. Hopefully I'll have some Vendit and Reverse Pines up tonight. Let's leave this place, Yarny!**


	14. Reversed The Rest of Part 3

**LAST TIME ON REVERSED…**

_"Wow, everything looks so…"_

_"Different." I say, finishing Dipper's sentence. I look at the crowd of people in front of the Mystery Shack and tap the guy in front of me._

_"Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm, like, super short. Can you move a little bit?" I ask. The man looks more frightened than I was that one time a dinosaur took Waddles._

_"Yes, ma'am!" he says, his voice cracking. He moves all the way over to the other side of the crowd, making room for Dipper and I to see._

_"That was weird." says Dipper._

_"You're telling me."_

MABEL

"So, what is all this even about?" I ask Dipper, looking at the crowded exterior of the Mystery Shack. Suddenly, my ears perk up. Is that… Bud Gleeful?

"Yes folks, and as you can see here I'm holding the Face- that- looks- like- a-Rock- Face." the chubby Southern man says. He holds a grey mask and puts it over his head.

"Something's not right here." I say.

"Yeah, now it's official." says Dipper.

"Let's head inside. I want to get out of this stupid costume." I say, looking down at the fishnet tights wrapped around my legs.

"I second that emotion." says Dipper, covering up his birthmark.

Dipper and I push past the crowds (they part for us nervously) and open the door to the Mystery Shack Gift Shop. We hear the satisfying _ding! _of the bell as the door closes shut behind us.

It's more crowded in here than it's ever been. Dipper and I head up to the attic, feeling suffocated by the crowd. Besides, they were staring at us very oddly.

"This will all be over in a pinch." I say, pushing open the door to Dipper and I's shared bedroom.

"KYAHHH!" yells high pitched voice from inside. The next thing I know, I'm pinned down on the ground by someone, and Dipper is caught in some kind of net mechanism.

"I should have known that you two would have come looking for us." says the girl. Who _is _that? "Well, you shouldn't have come here, Gleeful twins. I've got you trapped, and-"

I hear the #1 pop song of the '90s, Britney Spear's "Hit me Baby one More Time", and raise an eyebrow. I hear the girl fidget and pick up what I assume to be a phone.

"Yeah, Gid, but you'll never believe it!" the girl yells into the phone. Wait, _Gid?!_ "I've got them. The Gleefuls." she says. I hear a long pause. "Kay! Get here soon!" she says enthusiastically. I hear a flip phone close shut. A flip phone? Jeez.

"Alright, you listen up, you dastardly twins…" the girl says, trying to be assertive.

Wait.

I know that voice.

"_Pacifica?_" I ask. I would be spittaking right now if I had a drink.

"That's my name, and don't you forget it!" she squeaks. Wow, Pacifica is different. Almost… reversed.

"Okay, Pacifica." I say calmly. "Please let Dipper and I go. We didn't do anything to you."

"You almost killed Gideon and I! Several times!" yells Pacifica.

"Wait, wait, wait. Back the truck up." says Dipper. "_We _tried to murder _Gideon_?"

"Uh, yeah! Duh!" says Pacifica. "You both are these crazy magical Southern twins from the pits of Hell, and you want to steal the shack from Gideon Pines, also known as my BFF!"

Dipper and I sit in silence for thirty seconds, letting it sink in.

"Could you repeat?" I ask.

"No!" says Pacifica. "I will _not _repeat! I will fight 'till the day I-"

"Pacifica, get off of them now. They're dangerous." says a Southern voice entering the room. Here we go.

"You can handle them, Giddy." says Pacifica. She gets off of me and Dipper and I are able to stand up.

Hey!

"Get out of my clothes!" Dipper yells at Gideon. I, however, am nearly hypnotized by the bright colors and patterns of Pacifica's outfit. The normal Pacifica wouldn't be caught dead in that.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." says Gideon. He is indeed dressed in Dipper's clothing, down to the hat. Not cool.

"But… but…" Dipper says, at a loss for words. This cruel twist of fate has really messed with both of our heads. But who caused said occurrence? Oh, wait…

"Pacfica! Now that you're nice and all, you've gotta listen to me." I say. Pacifica cocks her head and Gideon looks at me angrily. "Look at Gideon." I say. Pacifica does so. Gideon smiles weakly. "That isn't Gideon Pines. That's Gideon _Gleeful, _the evil idiot who reversed our whole world. Dipper and I are the good guys, Gideon's the jerk. Please believe me."

"Uhm…" says Pacifica.

"She's wrong." says Gideon.

"Well, to be fair, you have been kind of mean lately." says Pacifca. Yes!

"No, I haven't!" argues Gideon. He points at me and Dipper. "Think about everything these two have done to mess with you. Are you really going to trust them? Trust _me_, Paz!"

"Yeah. You're right." says Pacifica. Gideon smiles.

"Come with me, we'll alert my father about our captives." he says.

"They're not captives. That sounds so… mean." says Pacifica.

"Excuse me. _Guests_." says Gideon, correcting himself.

"Thanks, buddy. I made the right choice to trust you." says Pacifica. Gideon opens the door for her and steps through it. On his way out, he turns to Dipper and I.

He mouths some words and then closes the door softly.

And what were those words?

_She made the wrong choice._


	15. Gettysbur6 Island- A Terrible One- Shot

GETTYSBUR6 ISLAND

_A Terrible One- Shot Gravity Falls Fanfiction by clicheusername1234_

so one day maple and diaper are hanging out at the shaq wif unkle satan and dr sues wen giddin comes in

"hey maple mah bbg lets go get sum cookiez" he sez

"no" sez maple

"k" sez giddin

but gidddin didn't actually fell ok

TWENTY MUNTUES L8ER

"hay diaper lets go finds some muenstaers" sez maple

"but im in the middle of watching harry putter" sez diaper

"stahp watching it and come wif me" sez maple holding wabblez in her hand

"ur such a hufflepuff" sez diaper

maple criez

"ur not my brother anymore!1!" she sez running in2 da forrest

"hey dood u wanna go get some pumkim spyice frappocinos" dr sues ask unkle satsn

"no I have to go ovr to laz susans" sez satan

"y u do dis satan" sez sues

"bcuz laz susan is my gf n I luv hurr" sez satan

"u jjust luv her cats" sez sues

"yah so what peasant" sez satan he storms out of da shaq

"im so alone" sez sues

"lol no ur not" sez a strange voice

"omg its bill" sez sues

"yah" sez biil "ill help u if u give me ur first born child"

"kk" sez soos

MENWILE IN DA FORREST

"maple waitup" yells diaper

"what do u wunt" sez maple tears running down her faze

"dou have 20 buqs I wanna by wendy a bear" sez dipper

"wut" sez maple

"a bear fur wendy" sez diaper

"oh no look out giddin iz bhind u!1!" yells maple

"I have u naow diaper pinez!" sez giddin he rides a giant cat with laserz

"I like cat" sez maple

"its name is karl" sez giddin

"ew" sez maple

"ow my faze" sez diaper

"I cn save u" sez maple

"wif da rappling huk?" askz diaper

"no wif experimental hurr removr!" sez maple

"wut" sez giddin but oh no al hiz hurr falls owt

"I wil ge8t revengeee" sez giddin

"haha we win agn" maple high fives diaper

"I'm NOT MEWSSING ARND DIS TYME" sez giddin, t8king ouwt a gun

"this is a disney shw giddin" sez diaper

"o" sez giddin he puts the gun bach

"do u guyz wnt pizza" sez diaper

"yah" sez maple and giddin

"k maple lets go u stay here giidin bcuz nobody feaking lykes u" sez diaper

"I can live wif dat" sez giddin

BACK AT DA SHAQ

"k u look bootiful" sez bill

"thanks bbs" sez sues

"np just send me tht bby" sez bill

"kkk" sez sues

"bye" sez bill

"have a gud trip" sez sues

"SUES U LOOK GORGEUOS" sez satan as he wlks through da door

"I luk just like laz susn do u wanna get frappacinos wif me now?" asksz sues

"lemme just get my fez" sewz satan

"wher iz it?" askz sues

"just in my super ecret room bhind the vendint machineee" sez stan

…

"k" sez sues

that frappacino will taste awesome

BACK IN DA FORREST

"oh karl ur the only 1 who understndz" sez giddin

"meow" sez karl

THE END.

review fav and follow if u cryed

**So this was a joke. It's pretty much the worst thing ever and I love it so much. The sad thing is that things like this exist fo' serious. As for the title, my friend once asked me how "Gettysburg Island" was, and after a while of figuring it out, I realized they meant Gravity Falls. Not sure when I can write something legit. I have so much homework it's sad.**


	16. The Gravity Falls Cell Block Tango

SURPRISE SONGFIC (WITH EDITED LYRICS!)

**THE CELL BLOCK TANGO (GRAVITY FALLS VERSION)**

The Cell Block tango is a famous song from the musical Chicago. In it, six "murderesses" tell their stories to the newcomer in jail. Of course, this newcomer is Gideon. You should probably listen to the original, but it's not really kid- friendly. Also, the part with Waddles was originally spoken in Hungarian. The translations below the "oinks" are the edited English versions of the Hungarian (but of course with Waddles' story ;).

GIDEON:

And now the six merry murderesses of the Gravity Falls County Jail,

In their rendition of 'The Cell Block Tango'.

WENDY:

Pop!

LAZY SUSAN:

Six!

GIDEON'S MOM:

Squish!

WADDLES:

Oink, oink!

MABEL:

Cicero,

PACIFICA:

Lipschitz!

WENDY:

Pop!

LAZY SUSAN:

Six!

GIDEON'S MOM:

Squish!

WADDLES:

Oink, oink!

MABEL:

Cicero,

PACIFICA:

Lipschitz!

WENDY:

Pop!

LAZY SUSAN:

Six!

GIDEON'S MOM:

Squish!

WADDLES:

Oink, oink!

MABEL:

Cicero,

PACIFICA:

Lipschitz!

MURDERESSES:

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

WENDY:

Pop!

LAZY SUSAN:

Six!

GIDEON'S MOM:

Squish!

WADDLES:

Oink, oink!

MABEL:

Cicero,

PACIFICA:

Lipschitz!

WENDY:

You know how people have these little habits that get you down?

Like Robbie.

Robbie liked to chew gum,

no, not chew,

_Pop._

So, I come home this one day and there's Robbie

Layin' on the couch, drinking a Pitt Cola, and chewin',

no, not chewin',

_poppin' _some gum.

So, I said to him, I said

"Robbie, you pop that gum one more time…"

and he did.

So I took my father's axe off the wall,

And I made two warning swings…

_into his head._

MURDERESSES:

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there, if you'd have heard it

I betcha you would have done the same

LAZY SUSAN:

I met Mr. Cat- Face from Salt Lake City about two years ago

And he told me he was single, we hit it off right away

So, we started living together

He'd go outside, he'd come home, I'd give him some milk, we'd watch The Kardashians…

Then I found out, single he told me,

single, my _ASS!_

Not only was he married, oh no, he had _six wives!_

One of those monogamous felines, you know

So that night, when he came home from "mouse catching",

I fixed him his drink, as usual.

You know, some cats just can't hold their poison!

MURDERESSES:

He had it coming, he had it coming

He took a flower in its prime

And then he used it and he abused it

It was a murder but not a crime

GIDEON'S MOTHER:  
Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

Vacuumin' up before dinner, minding my own business.

in storms my husband Bud in a jealous rage:

"You been usin' the mop?"

He says and he kept sayin'

"You been usin' the mop?"

Then he ran into my extra- sharp vacuum

He ran into my vacuum ten times

MURDERESSES:

If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same

WADDLES:

Oink oink, oink oink? Oink oink oink oink.

(What am I doing here? They say my older owner held down the farmer while I chopped off his head.)

Oink, oink oink. Oink Oink oink.

(But it isn't true, I am innocent. I don't know why Grunkle Stan says I did it.)

Oink oink oink.

(I tried to explain to the police station but they didn't understand me.)

GIDEON:

But yeah, did you do it?

WADDLES:

Oink, oink. NOT GUILTY!

MABEL:

My best friend, Candy, and I had this double act

And my brother, Dipper, traveled around with us

With the last number in our act.

We did 20 acrobatic tricks in our time,

One, two, three, four, five, splits, spread eagles

Back flips, flip flops, one right after the other

Well, this one night we were in Hotel Cicero

The three of us, we were in this room

Singin' "Don't Start Unbelieving" and havin' a few laughs

and we ran out of ice.

So I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door…

There's Dipper and Candy,

Doing number seventeen:

_The spread eagle._

_…_

Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out.

I can't remember a thing.

It wasn't until later,

When I was washing the _blood_ off of my hands,

I even knew they were _dead_.

MURDERESSES:

They had it coming, they had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it, but if I done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

They had it coming, they had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it, but if I done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?

PACIFICA:

I loved Lee Lipschitz.

he was a real artistic guy, sensitive, a painter

But he was always trying to _find_ himself

He'd go out every night looking for himself

And on the way, he found Tambry, Candy, Grenda, and Nate.

…

I guess you can say we broke up because of artistic differences

He saw himself as _alive,_

and _I saw him dead._

MURDERESSES:

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

They had it comin', they had it comin'

They had it comin' all along

'Cause if they used us and they abused us

How could they tell us that we were wrong?

GIDEON: Ooh! I can sing too!

Well, I can see, what others can't see,

It's not a sideshow trick, it's a-

*BLACKOUT, GENERAL SOUNDS OF MURDER*

MURDERESSES :

He had it coming, he had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there, if you'd have HEARD it

I betcha you would have done the same

You pop that gum one more time

Single my _ass_

Ten times…

Oink, oink, oink.

Number seventeen, _the spread eagle_

Artistic differences.

I betcha you would have done…

the same!

WENDY:

Pop!

LAZY SUSAN:

Six!

GIDEON'S MOM:

Squish!

WADDLES:

Oink, oink!

MABEL:

Cicero,

PACIFICA:

Lipschitz!


	17. Sibling Bonding

By popular demand.

**What if Dipper and Pacifica started dating?**

"Hey, Mabel, I have to tell you something." Dipper Pines says nervously, tapping on his sister's back.

"What is it." she says, more a statement than a question. She doesn't turn to face her twin.

"Uhm, Pacifica and I… are an item." says Dipper.

"I know." says Mabel quietly.

"Oh." says Dipper. "Is… is that okay?"

Mabel turns around, her eye twitching.

"What do you think? She's my mortal enemy. I can't believe that your pubescent urges surpassed your common sense. Until you grow up, don't talk to me."

"But I really like-"

"No. You don't. We're 12, Dipper, not young adults in search of love. You may think that dating making you look cool and mature, but you just look like an idiot. Plus, I'm pretty sure she's just using you." says Mabel, rolling her eyes.

"And furthermore, you obviously are not emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship. I've seen how you get when Wendy ditches you for Robbie. What makes you think that this will be any better?" Mabel adds.

"Wow, you're just a big ball of sunshine today." Dipper says.

"Well, you're a big ball of _betrayal_."

"Then I guess I'll go" says Dipper.

"Good. Leave." says Mabel.

Dipper turns around to leave the Shack, but turns back to his sister at the last minute.

"PSHYCH!" he yells, beginning to noogie his confused sister.

"Wha… what?" asks Mabel, smiling and wresting Dipper off of herself.

"Opposite day." says Dipper. "You really think I'd hurt you like that?"

"Some days I'm just not sure." admits Mabel. "We've lived in Gravity Falls long enough that I can't trust hardly anyone."

"You can trust me." says Dipper.

"And Stan, and Soos." lists Mabel. "I know I've got you guys."

"Yup. So don't fret, it was just a joke." says Dipper, grinning.

"So's this!" says Mabel, pulling out a water gun at the last second. She sprays her brother, and they run outside, laughing the whole way.

**Author's Note: So, this was just a boring sibling bonding one- shot. No humor or depth or anything. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I don't do shipping. Ok? I just don't. Please stop requesting it so frequently. As you can see in my writing, shipping TWELVE YEAR OLDS just doesn't feel right, and the words don't come. I'm sure plenty of people love it, and that's great. It's not my thing. Alright, thanks for reading. I'll be writing some new one- shots soon, so don't forget to request!**


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